Six days until the wedding. Six days until we say ‘I do’. Six days.
Without question, yes I’m excited. I get to marry the most awesome guy on the planet who I love and adore with every fibre of my being, plus I’m going to look gorgeous in my finery and I get to hang out with some awesome people as we celebrate possibly the happiest day I’ll have ever had in my 25 years of life.
But, I am getting tired and frustrated with being asked and even told how I’m feeling. “Are you nervous?” “I bet you’re excited!” “It’s getting closer – how are you feeling about it?” Those are normal questions to ask a soon-to-be married woman, I know. Nothing out of the ordinary.
Except the very obvious difference between myself and any other bride out there – and that would be the personality disorder that comes with rapidly changing moods. On a normal day my mood can change with the wind depending on what’s going on and how I’m feeling overall. But I’m getting married, we’re finalising the last bits for the wedding and still dealing with everyday stresses too, so my moods are cycling even more than usual.
Last night was Other Half’s stag night and he hit the town with some friends. Today has mostly been about taking the piss out of all the hungover and achey men in my life – today has also come with moods flipping between happy, sad, excited, depressed, angry, missing people from the past, giddy and overwhelmed. That’s from 10:30am to now, twelve hours of mood changes.
And while I have been patient up until now with people asking how I’m feeling, I think I’ve just kinda had enough today. I am the wrong person to ask about feelings and moods, because it could change with the wind. I also freak the fuck out because I’m worried that I’m not feeling what I should be feeling – which then leads to another change in mood.
…I need to stock up on diazepam this week, I feel. I’m struggling to keep it all together and I really don’t want to build up to an episode on the day of the wedding.
I wish I’d done something like the lovely Charlotte did for her own wedding to ease the pressure of having bipolar disorder along with getting married. If you don’t already read Charlotte’s blog by the way, shame on you – click here and fix that mistake.
Right. I’m going to watch some Family Guy, take a diazepam and get myself ready to sleep so I can wake up tomorrow and at least feel slightly calmer so I can tackle the few bits I need to do before Thursday morning. I’m going to stay on top of this as best as I can, for my sake and my husband-to-be.
I’ll be writing again at some point this week with regards to this weekend’s Twitter hashtag hilarity – #TheAbleistScript. I’ve found some amazing ones and I need to share them with the world.
(Oh, and while my Other Half was painting the town red, I was watching the Scream trilogy with my best friend/bridesmaid Rox and her dog Lexi. We had pizza and brownies, and learned that she would probably survive a horror movie, but I would not because I’m too smart.)