Second day of my new medication regime. Well, I don’t know if I can even call it a day, seeing as I didn’t get up until past 4 this afternoon… I slept like the dead. I also dreamt of the dead, but that’s nothing new. (I also dreamt that I somehow slept through Star Wars Episode VIII – I dreamt that I was asleep, how does that even work?) I’m happy to say that I got out of bed with very little trouble as I dashed to let Lady out so she could go to the toilet and have her food – she actually looked kinda disappointed that I was getting up, because sleeping in with me is one of her favourite things in life.
Managed to gobble down some fruit after throwing clothes on and cuddling up on the sofa with pup. Then, the space cadet feeling kicked in as I felt like I was basically floating around with a head full of obsidian. Heavy head, light body and the tiniest bit of blurred vision. When Husband came home, he noted how zoned out I looked. But, I felt good.
My first day on the meds went really well too, although I wasn’t comatose like today, I felt very positive. I got up and went out with my nan, who kindly treated me to getting my nails done. Went to my Slimming World group (maintained my weight, which was positive after eating so much for Husband’s birthday) and then my energy levels depleted to pretty much nothing. I left early and took two buses home – it’s usually a 25 minute walk, but my area is weird so you have to get a bus to the square, then a bus from there – and had takeaway for tea.
I did make the mistake of trying to reach out to a friend I lost during the online drama from last year. It was a mistake because they have reduced me to nothing more than my BPD, claiming that I am manipulative and dangerous, and telling me that they are afraid of me. They also said that I shouldn’t ‘broadcast’ my struggles with my mental health because others choose not to – I told them that my openness is helping others and blocked them. I don’t say that to brag, but the amount of emails and messages I’ve had since April last year when I started this blog has been eye-opening. People shouldn’t feel ashamed of a disorder they developed as a result of a traumatic childhood – they didn’t ask for it, they didn’t want it and they had no control of it.
I’m just hoping to make some good of it, seeing how I’m stuck with it.
Anyway. It’s late, I want to go out into town tomorrow at some point and I need to take my dose of lamotrigine before I sleep. Just trying to get back on track with life, really.