Over the year that I’ve been writing more openly about my BPD, I’ve had the chance to talk to other people with the disorder. I already have a few real-life friends with the condition and they are all awesome people who have faced and fought (and continue to fight) their own demons. Would I peg any of them for an actual psychopath? All joking aside, no I wouldn’t. Don’t get me wrong, there have been fights, confrontations and even physical scuffles in the past between myself, them and other people – but they are some of the most genuine, emotional people I’ve ever known. They would never cause harm to another human being for the sake of doing so.
My Husband likes to tell people that he has a ‘psycho wife’, especially when it comes to people trying to piss him off while he plays Magic. Cue me looming from behind him with a look on my face that says, ‘fuck with my husband and I’ll pickle your dick in a jar.’ The first pet name he ever gave me was ‘his little ball of aggro’. I am hot-headed, I will admit that – but the truth is, I hate confrontations. I hate fights. I burst into tears whenever I accidentally step on Lady’s paw, I’d be a wreck if it came to harming another person. Yes, people with borderline personality disorder are incredibly emotional and that can lead to situations lead by those emotions. But out of everyone I’ve had the pleasure of talking to about BPD, both with the disorder and those close to someone who has it – NONE of them tend to blame their more negative actions on their illness.
As I have said many times before, the disorder may explain the behaviour, but it does not excuse it.
Which takes me to something I discovered on Reddit this morning. Reader discretion is advised from this point on, as the story contains strong violence and gore.
I was taken to this article about Australian ‘psycho husband killer’ Katherine Knight, who had a history of violence against romantic partners as well as her own children, which culminated in her butchering her last lover before expertly skinning him, cutting him up and preparing him as a meal to feed to his children. Her sadistic skills were obtained from years working in an abattoir, a job she took after a childhood of violence and sexual abuse from her brothers and parents. It was reported that she took joy in watching the animals die, something which should have raised red flags but… well, she put her newborn baby in the path of a train and faced no prosecution for it after the baby was rescued. It seemed to be an open secret that Knight was a ticking time bomb and yet nothing was done about her.
As I read on, I read this quote by the author;
‘But all too soon, each of her partners discovered Knight’s little secret — a psychological illness known as borderline personality disorder. Her illness manifested itself in tremendous mood swings. In a second, sufferers of borderline personality disorder can turn from lovers to fighters. They feel slighted when there’s no slight, and they’re prone to being highly suspicious that their partner is cheating on them.’
I wanted to headbutt the fucking wall. I read on about this vile woman.
‘She was the most wonderful wife you could wish for. Perfect mother, perfect housewife,’ said Kellet. But her borderline personality disorder was always a breath away. ‘Sometimes she’d just snap like a biscuit.’
It’s not something you switch on or off. I’m not going to annotate the whole article because this post will turn into a dissertation, but there were quite a few people in the original Reddit thread who commented on their having BPD and how this definitely wasn’t usual of the majority of sufferers. Someone else put a link to another nutjob named Luka Magnotta. Never heard of him? Well, he butchered kittens and uploaded the videos up to YouTube. In 2012, he then uploaded another video of him stabbing a guy over and over with an ice pick, before dismembering him and defiling the body. Out of the six experts at his trial for the murder, five of them concluded that he had borderline personality disorder with psychosis and histrionic traits.
I have to ask. How the fuck are the rest of us supposed to convince the world that we’re not the same as these psychopaths? That’s what they are, psychopaths. The diagnosis of borderline personality disorder is purely coincidental at this point – BPD doesn’t explain their enjoyment of killing animals, it doesn’t explain their need for violence or excuse their barbaric behaviour. But that’s not what the public will get from articles like this, they will assume that it’s because of their mental illness, partly due to ignorance and not wanting to believe that a person can truly be capable of committing such acts without reason. That’s what I believe, anyway.
(And come on, a person who fucking murders innocent animals might as well be carrying a sign above their head that reads, ‘I AM A PSYCHOPATH’. It’s a massive red flag for psychopathic behaviour, for fucks sake.)
These individuals are fucked up, and they do not represent me, my friends, or borderline personality disorder. There are monsters out there in the world, and they can exist without a reason. Don’t paint them with the same brush as those who are just trying to live a normal fucking life without causing harm to others.