Mental Health Awareness Week 2016 – Relationships
You might have realised that I didn’t put a post up yesterday. Well, next week I’ll be updating you all with the things I’ve been up to recently, but right now I can tell you that I am exhausted. Right down to my bones I feel nothing but tiredness. Don’t get me wrong, I’m excited for all the things I’ve got going on right now but I’m already someone who needs many spoons to operate and yet I never have enough. After a jam-packed day on Friday, I fell into bed that night like a tree dropping in a forest. Husband said we wouldn’t be doing anything the next day, and I wondered if it was possible.
Well, I spent the entirety of yesterday doing nothing. At all. Aside from adding a page to my art journal and playing FFXIV in the evening, I simply curled up on the sofa with Lady and watched some films. (We watched Cloverfield and I say it every time, the people are horrible and that monster is just a baby missing its mommy!) Husband went out later on to meet some friends, but I remained at home with a very grateful pup – she has not liked me very much recently due to the amount of time I’ve spent outside the house. I felt like a zombie, granted, but I needed the time to relax and recharge. I felt awful for not getting my emails done, filing paperwork or writing up posts. There are so many things that need doing, and through the sleepy fog I was berating myself for not getting on with these tasks.
And then I realised something. Am I not allowed to stop? Am I supposed to keep working and working until I completely burn out? If my Husband was working this hard and wearing himself out, I’d force him to take a break and be kind to himself. I’d do the same for anyone else. And yet, there I was calling myself a scrub for wanting to do sweet fuck all and just recover from a hectic week. Husband has said many times before that if I treated other people the way I treated myself then I’d be a massive bully.
After spending 13 hours asleep yesterday, watching terrible films, eating McDonalds and painting, I feel almost recharged. Being kind to myself has been much more fruitful than punishing myself for not getting stuff done. It sets me up for a more productive week ahead and means I’ll actually have a chance of getting up to date with work. It’s hard being freelance, but at the same it’s amazing because it affords me the chance to cocoon myself long enough to get back to work when I’m ready.
I think we as a society are far too critical of ourselves. If we’re not comparing our lives to that of our friends via social media, then it’ll be celebrities and their polished chronicles that somehow makes us feel inferior. We seem to forget that we never see the reality of people’s lives online – we only see what they want us to see, and of course that’s going to be the best version of themselves that they can present. Celebrities have access to good public relations officers who can put a spin on anything that makes their client look bad. There’s no such thing as bad publicity, right? Just look at the disease that is the Kardashian horde – I hate them and yet I can name each one of them.
I digress. The point is, we never think we’re good enough. We spend our lives wishing we could be as happy/rich/popular/attractive as others, and it seems like such a waste. Why can’t we just be nicer to ourselves? We do awesome things every day, even just getting out of bed is a triumph for some – and if you didn’t get out of bed? That’s fine, there will always be tomorrow. I have friends who have been sky-diving, gone to exotic locations on holiday, partied with celebrities, met royalty and petted many more dogs than me. But should I beat myself up for not having the same achievements? No. No-one should. It doesn’t make my life better and it doesn’t change the things that they’ve done.
I’ve been working hard and I deserve to treat myself with kindness and love. If you’re reading this and recently have been pushing yourself to do more than you can, please give yourself some love. You deserve a break. Go have a bath, make yourself some food, cuddle a dog, buy some new lipstick, eat some chocolate, listen to some new music, write a list of all the dogs you want to hug, play with some Lego, find new swear words to try out, go out for a walk and find some dogs to say hi to. Even if it’s just sitting in silence and doing nothing, do it as long as it pulls you away from your hectic life for a while. I used to do that a lot and my parents would accuse me of being lazy and wasting my life. It made me feel better, how could that ever be a waste?
You can have an amazing relationship with anyone else out there, but maybe you should try loving yourself a little bit more yeah? Go on. Try it. It might surprise you. I can’t say I’m always going to be kind to myself, but I’m going to give it a go.
The most important relationship you can have? It should always be with yourself.