TRIGGER WARNING for self-harm
So, it turns out that the Department of Work and Pensions in their infinite wisdom, have decided that I am no longer eligible for PIP based on an assessment that saw me score 0 on each component. That’s right, I scored nil points on EVERYTHING. And I can confidently say that the one person who made the decision has done nothing but lie, ignoring the evidence I provided myself along with what I wrote in the previous form and said in my face-to-face assessment at my home.
I got the letter on Friday morning. The day before, I’d had a positive appointment with Wizard Psych and things were looking really good in general. When I got the letter saying that my money had been stopped, I went into almost immediate meltdown. I texted Husband and begged him to come home, but I was freaking out far too much and could not bring myself back down to earth. I cut my wrists with a blunt knife, making no more than deep cat scratches and only serving to upset me even more as I sat and waited for Husband to come home. He’d made plans that would help in the short term and overall seemed positive despite the circumstances – but I felt defeated. As if I didn’t already feel like a parasite for not being able to contribute enough to our household, my one and only source of income had been taken away from me under the government’s desire to cripple the disabled folks of this country further.
For two days straight, I felt like I wanted to die. Eventually, those feelings subsided enough for me to be able to get my own plan together. I’m having to do all the running around for evidence that the DWP and Capita didn’t bother to do themselves as well as keep myself in a fighting mood rather than a flying one. Because god did I want to fly when that fucking envelope came through my door.
This update is only a short one, but I’ll be back once I have a better idea of what I’m doing. I’ve got letters to write – I’ve ordered more printer ink for that purpose, apparently handwritten letters don’t cut it in this situation – and emails to send, to my local MP for a start. As if I didn’t already have zero energy as it is, I’m now going into my energy overdraft for this bullshit.
Too ill for a job, too well to be disabled. Fucking bullshit.